Conflict Strategies

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Maya Angelou

Recently, my two oldest daughters had a siblings conflict. I was not aware that something had transpired between them after the dinner plans had been made. I do not usually have to check to see if everyone is on the same page in order to make dinner plans or any plans for that matter, I just send the message or make the call. I was in the kitchen when things fell apart between the two of them. I walked in the living room and they were both extremely emotional and behaving unlike themselves. I was at complete lose as to what was going and basically stood in disbelief until I told both of them to squash it resulting in one of the girls leaving. When I found out what was going on between the two of them I spoke to them individually and then together. I listened to what they each had to say, I asked both individually how they could have approached the situation differently or avoided things from getting so out of hand, and told them what I expected moving forward. "When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people" (Smith, 2019). After listening to both of my daughters perspectives I was able to see that they both were guilty of not hearing but not listening to one another and had lost respect for each other in that moment of disagreement with the yelling and hurtful things being said. I think had I known what was going on I would have stressed the importance of respecting each others opinion and space. 

The strategies that I felt that help me the most and that I learned more about where 1) avoiding 2)compromising and 3) apologizing. I did not allow the girls to walk away or avoid their conflict, "when avoiding, you do not express your own needs and goals, even if you have a grievance" (O'Hair, 2018, p.225). I needed the girls to hear each other out without the tension but also to let them know how their behavior was unacceptable. This is were compromise came into play because neither of them were right nor wrong in how they felt however there was a better way they could have handled things. "The advantage of compromise us that it lets you and the other person both resolve conflicts by achieving some aspects of their goals" (O'Hair, 2018, p.228). In my opinion to hear someone apologize breaks some or all the harsh emotions that surface during a conflict. Although for some, conflicts are not as easily resolved however, my daughters were able to get some other things off their chest that had been bothering them and it warmed my heart to see and feel the genuineness between the two. "It can be difficult to apologize because it means swallowing your pride and confessing that you did something wrong. The apology may or may not be accepted, but when we hurt others, acknowledging it and expressing our regret and remorse can go a long way toward repairing the damage" (O'Hair, 2018, p.231). Soon after the apology the girls were back to their respectful, loving, supportive and goofy selves and all was well again. 

As this was truly a personal matter, I opted not to share this with a colleague but with my grandmother who I share everything with and talk to daily. First, she jokingly said I should have took both of them over my lap and spanked them for their foolishness. We laughed a bit before she told me that I handled it well and that she was proud of me but I can honestly say that she is without a doubt biased. 

References 

Maya Angelou Quotes. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/maya_angelou_634520?src=t_inspirational

Smith, M., Segal, J., Ph.D., & Robinson, L. (2019, June). Conflict Resolution Skills. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2018). Real Communication: An Introduction (4th. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Communication Insights

Perception is a cognitive process through which we observe people and events, interpret our experiences, and form our own unique understandings" (O'Hair, 2018). How we see ourselves and how others view us can be vastly different in my opinion, although in taking the communication surveys I learned that those who I have around me are not very different than I view myself. I selected a coworker and a family member to take the assessments and I was amazed after speaking with them to learn that I communicate in a professional working manner outside of work, I am not sure how I feel about that. I am proud that my coworker shared with me how well I am viewed by others. "Employers value employees who can communicate effectively; it means they are able to listen to others, as well as successfully relay their own ideas and opinions. While listening and speaking are important in effective communication, there are other skills that are vital to good communication in the workplace" (TUW, 2020). All I could think about as my coworker was talking was it now makes a lot of sense why I always get picked to point out concerns in our department. The one thing that surprised me the most was the verbal aggressive scale assessment. The reason I am surprised by that is, I felt that I speak in manner that is not to be offensive to others in any way however, I am aware that I say things that must be said so I guess I am on a fine line with being empathetic and aggressive  in my communication with others. I think learning of those two traits I have in my communication with others I would like to learn more about my communication style and how I can continue to be effective but not as aggressive with both my professional and personal life.
The other insight I would like to address about myself where my profession is concerned is my listening. While I feel that I am a good listener, after taking the assessment I would like to try to maintain being people oriented and open up more and expressing empathy than just feeling it. Showing empathy is just as important as feeling it for others. "Being aware of others and their emotions mean being sympathetic to misfortunes and praising positive milestones. To achieve this successfully, you need to know what is going on in other people’s lives. Getting to know co-workers on a first-name basis and holding meaningful conversations through the work week creates a better and more productive work environment" (TWU, 2020). I aspire to keep being my professional encouraging self but a better version of myself in all ways possible.

Reference

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2018). Real Communication: An Introduction (4th. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

5 Ways to Define Good Communication: Effective Communication Skills. (2020, June 09). Retrieved from https://www.tuw.edu/program-resources/good-communication/

Photo: https://tgspow.wordpress.com/2017/06/15/communication/

Communicating Differently

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?
If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

Yes, I find myself communicating differently with people of different groups and cultures daily. My neighbors are all from different cultures and races. I have a young couple from Zimbabwe, an elderly Caucasians couple, a Black couple and so many more in the neighborhood that I see and communicate with every single day. I would have to say they all will without hesitation spark a conversation if given the opportunity. I enjoy talking to each person in my neighborhood because I learn a lot about them and their daily lives just by listening and speaking with them. No matter what the culture is with the people in my community one thing is for certain, they all just want someone to share in the life's experiences. Some I listen to as they share their views of the world while I smile and nod which I learned is called "pseudolistening" and others I have a more balance monotone free flowing conversation about the weather, another neighbor, or whatever comes to mind. Here recently after my long work days I've been a little exhausted to fully commit my attention in my conversations so the following three strategies can help me with my communicating with others more effectively. 

1) Adjust my behavior "much of our habitual or scripted behavior involves superficial interactions with other members of our culture or ethnic group in which we rely mainly on group-based information of others" (Vuckovic, 2008). I do not want to appear rude or have others perceive me to be so I think this is needed.

2)Adjust my existing schemas with my neighbors so that I do not have a perception the conversations will be as they usually are "When you recognize one component of a schema, the entire schema is activated and helps you to know what to say or how to behave in a particular situation" (O'Hair, 2018)

3)Learn about the communication style of others that I am communicating with."To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others (Farmer, 2019).

References

Farmer, J. (2019). How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship. Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/effective-communication-how-communicate-your-daily-life.html

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2018). Real Communication: An Introduction (4th. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural Communication: A Foundation of Communicative Action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47 - 59.

TV Show Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Observation

I did an observation on a show called "Riverdale", it is not a show I would normally watch so I felt that I would have the best unbiased opinion of what was transpiring for the first part of my observation which is to watch it without sound. 

What do you think the characters' relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating?

Base off the interactions of the characters in the show Riverdale while watching it with no sound I think their relationships where all personal and intertwined.  There were inappropriate relationships, parental relationships, manipulative relationships, business and friendly relationships in this interesting first episode of this show. The students in this show appeared to conduct themselves to be somewhat mature almost as if they were adults. I felt that their body language and facial gestures with each other and their parents demonstrated more of what I would see with adults. "Nonverbal communication encompasses a variety of actions, such as gestures, tone of voice, and eye behavior, as well as aspects of physical appearance" (O'Hair, 2018, p. 107). 

What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing?

The parents in this show also seem to try to communicate with their teenage children however, judging by the way the either walked off while their parent was talking or the use of their hand and facial gestures they were also treated more like adults than teenage children. In O'Hair (2018) your eye contact or lack of it can send messages of liking, attraction, or contempt " (p. 117). There was a great deal of speaking with the eyes in this show some expressed confusion, flirting, confidence, excitement and many others. There was also a bit of conflict observed in this show while observing it with no sound. Particularly with the red haired young lady in the beginning as I could not make out if she was in love, grieving, guilty, unstable or just manipulative in her interaction with others then again it could have just been all of the above. 

What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed?

The assumptions that were made based off my observations were that the high school students behaved like adults with both their peers and their parents as well as to appear to not have respect for them based off their interactions, facial gestures and body language. The plot of this story is that this is a small town in which a murder has occurred and there is a lot of confusion and manipulation happening. I also assumed several things about the red haired young lady whom I now know her name is Cheryl. 

Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well?

My assumptions would have been somewhat more accurate if I were watching a show that I was more familiar with however, I think I did a fairly good job in my observation of this one with the exception of the interpretation I had of Archie and his father. I initially though that he was portraying disrespect as well with his father when I had no sound but it turns out that he had respect for his father even when speaking on how he felt.

What I learned about communication from this experience and insights or my "aha" moment I believe will be helpful to myself and my colleagues is that both verbal and nonverbal communication plays a part in perception however, that perception can be distorted even with both if misinterpreted. My "aha" moment came in the end of the show when Archie went looking for his friend Betty whom he saw as his best friend encountered another friend (Jughead). Archie tells Jughead that he thinks he has lost his best friend tonight and Jughead advice to him is priceless. Jughead says "just talk to her". Instead of assuming he has lost his friend communicating with her will clear that up. Assuming should be avoided in both personal and professional relationships in my opinion in order to have healthy and effective communication. "We all use language to express our feelings; however to be competent, we must do so appropriately and effectively" (O'Hair, 2018, p. 84). 

Reference

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2018). Real Communication: An Introduction (4th. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Communication is important to my professional and personal life because it gives me an understanding of what is or is not needed with my coworkers, family and friends to keep things moving effectively. Out of all my relationships my cousin Takesha has the most effective communication approach in communication that I absolutely believe is a large part of what keeps my dad side of the family extremely close. Takesha is none bias, informative, listens, patient and structured. There are many other qualities that she possess however, those are the five things that instantly come to mind when I think of how effective she has consistently been. When we have our weekly zoom family meetings on Sunday at 6, she sends out reminders leading up to the meetings as well as a text or email to share with everyone if something has occurred with a family member during the week. We are all on different time zones and live in various parts of the world so for those that are not able to join in she sends out a family news letter that highlights accomplishments, birthdays, births, and a legal list of other things if the information gets to her in a timely manner. Another thing that my cousin does that I like while hosting the zoom meeting is she pauses to ask who is in need of prayer or just in need of support. She is specific about the time in respect that although we want to stay connected we still have other things we have to do so she keeps updates and comments to a minimum so that we can log off to handle our family life. I would model the way that my cousin communicates because it provides information and clarity about our family and allows others to express themselves if needed. I think the quote that is attached perfectly sums up communication.


Reference:
Quote: https://www.blissquote.com/2020/02/communication-quotes.html

The Personal Side to Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

          I have many optimistic hopes when I think about working with children and their families who come from diverse backgrounds. My biggest hope is that I can provide a balance inclusive learning environment that has a positive learning experience where children, their families and my community can benefit from long term. Because every child and their family culture are different I intend to continuously build on my knowledge or lack of  knowledge with varied cultures I may encounter to remove and be aware of any bias I may have to be effective. "Strong family-teacher relationships are the foundation for an anti-bias education partnership, learning how to build one with each child's family is critical" ( Derman-Sparks, 2010). 

          A goal I would like to set for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity, and social justice is to be a voice for children and families that are experiencing any inequalities that I am able to use my resources to advocate for. "There is always a time when intention needs to become action. Stay informed and connected so you can engage, advocate and mobilize at the moment your voice is needed" (NAEYC, 2017). 

A Personal Note:

To all of my colleagues, I genuinely appreciate you for sharing both your professional and personal experiences with issues on biases, prejudices and oppression. Your experiences and perspectives have prompted me to take a deeper look at myself and see hidden biases, privileges, disadvantages and diversity from varied perspectives. Thank you for sharing and encouraging me over these past 8 weeks.

Reference

Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010). Anti-bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).

What Can You Do to Support and Advocate for Children, Families, and Educators. (2017, February 01). Retrieved from https://www.naeyc.org/resources/blog/support-and-advocate

Photo: https://cutelovequotesforher.org/15-inspirational-teacher-quotes-for-great-teachers/

Welcoming Families From Around the World

No one escapes learning stereotypes and misconceptions about various aspects of human diversity (Derman-Sparks, 2010).

I recently learned that I will have a Taiwanese student joining my class. I know absolutely nothing about my soon to be student, her family or their culture. I would like to make this transition as smooth as possible for everyone involved. In order to prepare myself to be effective with my approach to the family and my new student I need to take some time to find out more about the family and what I can do to ensure they are comfortable. Thus far I have come up with 5 ways to be culturally responsive.

1) First , I will familiarize myself with the Taiwanese culture.
2) Second, I will inquire with admin to see if the student will need a translator or other special arrangements.
3) Third, I will make arrangements to meet with the family in hopes of allowing them to share their expectations.
4) Next, I will prepare the other teachers and students of our new family and the ways in which I have learned how to make their learning experience a productive one.
5) Finally, I will make adjustments within the lesson to bring my new student up to date as well as incorporate visual aids to help them feel more secure in their new learning environment.

Essentially, my sincere hope is that by taking the time to learn about Taiwanese culture, if I have any hidden bias I will uncover them and make the needed adjustments to be successful in reaching the total child. "Ongoing learning about yourself, as well as about the children and family you serve, makes it possible to effectively decide what to say, what to do, when to wait, and when to act in many different kinds of settings"(Derman-Sparks, 2010).


Reference
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010). Anti-bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).

Photo:
https://sites.google.com/site/maegansimsece/multicultural-education